Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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