Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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