I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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