So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
