You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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