i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
