I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
