His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
