This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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