Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
