At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
