I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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