I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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