hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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