even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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