he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
