i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nicole vs. Life
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
