im six kinds of drunk right now
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
