3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
