So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
