just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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