Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
