Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so let's talk penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
