i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
