I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
