The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
do nipples grow back?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
