My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
