My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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