Apparently you make a good broom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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