Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
