Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
