i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Success! We fucked roommates!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
