I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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