So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
