I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
