First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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