Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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