I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
