you didnt know i had herpes?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
