i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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