matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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