i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
