Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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