Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
everyone is single if you try hard enough
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
