all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
