My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
