You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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