my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
BRING THE BAGELS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
