Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
