I just made out with a guy for $7.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize