at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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