so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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