So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
