it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm bleeding and have questions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
