It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
