I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize