i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
