I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
