she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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