My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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