He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
