I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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