Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
