please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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