C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
