do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize