the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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