it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Boobs are out for the taking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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