i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
