I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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