i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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