Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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