She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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