There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
