I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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