I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
