I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So squirting runs in the family.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
