You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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