My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
