I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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