Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
