No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
