I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
