shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
