Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
