I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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