listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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