she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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