You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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