I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's always time for handjobs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
