Do you still have your period?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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