i permit you to call me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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