shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
