you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
