You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
