so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize