Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
