We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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