He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
