Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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