I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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