im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
