you win again, gameday.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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