I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize